Michelle Volkmann

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Why I’m Thankful for My Military Spouse Friends

I am a person with deep family roots. My German ancestors settled my hometown and my maiden name is the most prominent surname there. I never needed to make friends. I was born with friends. They were the grandchildren of my grandparents’ friends.

Flash-forward: My husband and I were newlyweds stationed at Marine Corps Air Station Yuma, Arizona. I needed a local friend desperately. My close friends were hundreds of miles away and none of them were married to a service member. I was lonely until I met my first military spouse. We bonded over our mutual feelings of being misplaced in the scorching desert.

This November, I’m thankful for my military spouse friends. Here are the top five reasons why they have a special place in my heart:

1. Knowledge.

I don’t need to translate military jargon with them. They understand those frequently used acronyms (PCS, BAH), offices (Tricare), and shopping choices (commissary, exchange). There is no need to explain why we move every two years. They understand the traditions of a military ball. They just get it.

2. Diversity.

In the nine years that I’ve been a military spouse, I’ve met only one military spouse who was from my home state. One. Everyone else came from different states, communities, countries, cultures, and religions and I am so grateful to learn about the world through my friendship with each of them. I’m especially grateful for the military friends who were once military children. These friends take the time to answer my endless questions about resiliency and maintaining a positive attitude.

3. Understanding.

There is a mutual understanding among military families. This understanding may be lost on your civilian friends. For example, my military friends never make me feel guilty about not traveling during the hectic holiday season. They understand why I spend a month at my parents’ house in the summer. They understand the acceptance of an unknown future. They listen when I want to talk through “what-if” scenarios for various potential orders. They celebrate with us when the orders arrive. They always say goodbye with grace and a heartfelt memento.

4. Adventurous.

My military spouse friends are adventurous and well-traveled. Their passports are filled with stamps and they are always planning the next getaway. When I asked for volunteers to climb Mount Fuji with me, every military spouse eagerly asked “When?” My military spouse friends recognize that their time in a particular location is limited, so they take advantage of each opportunity.

5. Generous.

Military families are the most generous people in the world. Hands down. You know that idiom about a person “giving you the shirt off one’s back,” I have a theory that person is an American service member. I once made BLT sandwiches for dinner when the only ingredient I had was bacon. Four generous neighbors gave me bread, lettuce, mayonnaise, and a tomato. Military friends will loan you dishes when yours are in transit from Italy. They will watch your child in the middle of the night when you’re in labor and heading to the hospital. They will listen when you need to vent. They will give you a hug when you want to fall apart. They will make you laugh when you want to cry.

My military spouse friends are awesome. I am grateful I have a long list of friends to call, text, email, or send a note on any given day. I never feel lonely, thanks to my vast network of military spouses. They keep our friendship alive even when the military sends us apart.

This article was first published November 28, 2013, at Military One Click.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

No Gobble Gobble: Celebrating a Nontraditional Thanksgiving

“You ate what for Thanksgiving?!?”

“Takoyaki. It’s breaded and fried octopus. Osaka is known for it.”

I thought my mother-in-law was going to faint during this international phone call. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t roast a turkey purchased at my military commissary like every other American living on Okinawa.

The answer was mainly utilitarian. I didn’t roast a turkey because our Japanese home didn’t have an oven, only a three-burner stovetop. I couldn’t bake brownies, let alone a 12-pound turkey. Sure, we could have purchased a traditional American Thanksgiving meal and ate it while sitting on our tatami mats. We could have watched football in the middle of the night on AFN. We could have whined about the lack of Black Friday shopping options. Instead we decided our first Thanksgiving in Japan would be a four-day vacation to Kyoto and Osaka.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving you are far from your extended family in an unfamiliar place. Here are three ideas to embrace a nontraditional celebration this year.

3 Ideas for a Non-Traditional Thanksgiving Celebration

No Gobble Gobble? No Problem. When we lived overseas certain foods (apples, potatoes, and watermelons) were expensive. In response, we cooked takoyaki over a hot griddle in a Japanese restaurant where the waiter was not amused with my curiosity. Don’t want to eat out? Host a Thanksgiving barbecue. You supply the hamburgers; your friends bring the side dishes and desserts. No cranberry sauce allowed.

Be Flexible. In Tokyo, English is everywhere. In Kyoto, you are lucky to find an English menu. During our Thanksgiving vacation, I once ordered by pointing to an unrecognizable word and saying “please”. How bad could it be, right? It was a cold bean dessert with a gelatin texture. Did I mention I was starving? After a long laugh, I choked down that bean dessert, a poor, but hilarious selection. Make this Thanksgiving, not perfect, but memorable.

Be Thankful. In these nontraditional moments I try to count the blessings in my life, even if they seem like inconveniences. For example, I was thankful to avoid the congestion of American highways during our Kyoto trip. What are you thankful this year? Make that the focus of your nontraditional Thanksgiving.

Celebrating a nontraditional Thanksgiving ensures that someday when I celebrate a traditional one with my extended family in Iowa, I’ll savor my Mom’s turkey and dressing. And I won’t turn down a second helping of pecan pie.

This article was first published November 19, 2013, at Next Generation Military Spouse.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

How to Teach Your Child the Meaning of Veterans Day

Veterans Day isn’t child-friendly. The holiday stems from solemn and emotional roots.

It can be abstract. (What’s a hero?)

It can be philosophical. (Why do people fight wars?)

It can be geographical. (Where’s France?)

There isn’t an abundance of educational resources available for parents of young children to help explain the often overlooked Armistice Day. But if we want the next generation to understand the importance of November 11, beyond a day off of school, we have a duty to teach our preschoolers about Veterans Day.

The meaning of Veterans Day can be taught in 3 simple steps: Talk, Create, and Replicate.

Talk: Explain Veterans Day

Introduce the holiday by showing your young one a November calendar. Point to November 11 and say “Monday is Veterans Day.” Ask your child if he or she understands the word veteran. Has he heard it before? Explain that veterans are people who served in the military (Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, and Coast Guard). Then ask if they know anyone who is a veteran? Tell them that veterans are everywhere. Be ready to rattle off the names of people your child knows who have served in the Armed Forces. Tell your child that Veterans Day is a day to thank veterans for their service to our country.

Incorporate a patriotic- or Veterans Day-themed book into your nightly reading routine. I recommend “Veterans: Heroes in Our Neighborhood by Valerie Pfundstein, “H Is for Honor: A Military Family Alphabet” by Devin Scillian, and “Proud as a Peacock, Brave as a Lion,” by Jane Barclay. Barclay’s book is one of the few children’s books about war and remembrance. Consider listening and singing patriotic songs like “American the Beautiful,” “You’re a Grand Old Flag” or “My Country ‘tis of Thee.”

Create: Send Candy and Cards

Through Operation Gratitude’s Operation Candy Give-Back Program, families can donate their Halloween candy to troops serving overseas. You must separate the chocolate from the non-chocolate treats. Ask your child to create a drawing to include in the care package and write “Thank You” on it. Act quickly. The candy must arrive by November 15.

Operation Gratitude is one of several organizations who put letters of gratitude into the hands of veterans and Wounded Warriors. Ask your preschoolers to draw a picture while you write a letter of thanks. You can also send Veterans Day cards to deployed friends or veterans in your family.

I’m planning to create a “Remember Our Veterans: Family & Friends” flag poster with my 4-year-old daughter. In each star, I will write a name of a veteran (living or deceased). My daughter obviously knows that her father is in the Navy, but she doesn’t know that her maternal grandfather was stationed in Italy with the Army for two years or that her uncle was a Marine during the Gulf War. This flag will be displayed in our house during the entire month of November.

Replicate: Model Gratitude

In my opinion, the best way we can teach our children to be grateful for the sacrifices of American veterans are through our words and actions. Buy a red poppy from the American Legion Auxiliary Poppy Program. Volunteer with local or national organizations that support veterans. Ask elderly family members or neighbors to share PG-rated stories of their military experiences with your child. And always thank a veteran for their service.

This article was first published November 9, 2013, at Military One Click.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Hot Autumn Nights

Autumn appeals to our senses. We observe the leaves morphing from the obvious green to the unexpected vibrant shades of red and orange, sip the sweetness of hot apple cider, and listen to the squeals of children searching at a pumpkin patch.

But when the military sends you to an installation where you are more likely to apply sunscreen than wear a wool sweater, the lack of a seasonal change can cause homesickness. What’s the treatment? A firm determination to embrace creative alternatives.

Shelly Habeck, a Navy spouse, improvised when she was stationed in Florida. “We painted coconuts like pumpkins and hung them up in Key West. It was a ton of fun and they (the coconuts) are just all over the ground, so it’s free!” She also mailed these unique Halloween pumpkins to friends around the globe through the U.S. Postal Service. “Makes for an interesting postcard,” Habeck added.

When you are sweating in 90-degree heat, you need to trade your carving knife for a paintbrush. I made this mistake at my first duty station, Marine Corps Air Station Yuma. A group of us delightfully carved jack o’ lanterns and placed them on the patio overnight. In the morning, we found a rotten mess of melted pumpkin.

Army spouse Natasha Zack decorates her mantle with abstract wooden pumpkins instead of the perishable kind. “I put them out mid-September and keep them out until the first of December. I also use oil burners and buy cinnamon pumpkin spice oil to give the house a fall scent.”

You can also hang a garland of artificial leaves, decorate with autumn-themed crafts, or substitute a pineapple for a pumpkin when carving a jack o’ lantern.

Host a costume party that embraces the culture of your current address. In your invitations, clearly explain the party’s theme. For example, you could request everyone dress as cowboys for a party at Fort Hood, Texas, “Top Gun” movie characters if you live near San Diego, ninjas in Yokosuka, Japan, or hula dancers at Pearl Harbor.

Start the “You’ve Been Booed” movement in your neighborhood. Similar to Secret Santa, you inconspicuously leave a small basket of inexpensive Halloween trinkets or a plate of treats on a neighbor’s doorstep. Then that person returns the favor by secretly leaving a gift for a different neighbor. This is an especially fun activity for children living in military housing. Who knows? This holiday tradition may continue in your neighborhood long after you’ve said your farewells.

Other ideas include participating in an Underwater Pumpkin Carving Contest, if you are a scuba diver, making pumpkin-flavored ice cream instead of baking an apple pie, or attending a haunted history tour in your temporary hometown. The tours in St. Augustine, Fl., and New Orleans are said to be especially spooky.

And finally, plan an artificial autumn day. Take one day to turn the air conditioning on full blast, cuddle in a blanket, and watch your favorite Halloween movies.

This article was first published October 30, 2013, at Military One Click.

Friday, September 20, 2013

What You Need to Know to Prepare for an Overseas Military Move

Attention OCONUS Virgins

Here is the dirty little secret about OCONUS relocation: It’s the most stressful, most time-consuming, and most memorable PCS your family will ever encounter.

The rare Armed Forces gift of an OCONUS (Outside the Continental United States) duty assignment morphs the standard moving day jitters into a process of antacid-popping anxiety. But once you conquer it, you can move anywhere.

Here is a list of the top 5 secrets every OCONUS virgin needs to know.

Paperwork & Passports

Spouses, double-check your service member’s orders to ensure that your name is spelled correctly for this command-sponsored and accompanied relocation. A misspelling hiccup will quickly become a huge headache if you don’t correct it.

Next, apply for a no-fee, government passport for all family members. Your civilian or personal passport will not work for government travel. Research if your intended destination requires a visa for U.S. military. If the answer is yes, then guess what? Grab your favorite black ballpoint and fill out that form.

Lastly, schedule your overseas medical screening. When we moved to Japan in 2008, I was shocked by the length of this 10-page questionnaire. I needed to track down a copy of my immunization records from my hometown pediatrician before scheduling my medical screening. And without a medical screening, you won’t get your travel orders.

Every step in the paperwork and passport process takes time. Plan to diligently work through these forms to avoid missing any deadlines.

Decide to Downsize

Moving overseas requires a lot of preparation about which household items will ship to your new location and which will stay in storage in the United States. Each overseas duty station has its own weight allowances for household items (which may take as long 8 weeks for delivery) and unaccompanied baggage (which is a small express shipment of essential household goods). The unaccompanied baggage should arrive within 3 weeks. We selected a TV, microwave, pots and pans, silverware, towels, toilet paper, shower curtain, air mattress, sheets, and extra clothes and shoes for our express shipment. We also included our beach gear so we could immediately explore the island. If you have a baby, a crib may be part of this shipment.

The military pays for the storage so we stored our large appliances (washer, dryer, and refrigerator) and large dining room table and 8 chairs. We sold our sofa and held a garage sale before moving. We used the loan furniture from the Air Force while we lived overseas.

If you can’t ship your vehicle, you will need to decide to sell or store it. Each choice has consequences that must be carefully considered and there is plenty of paperwork in each decision.

Make separate inventory lists for storage, unaccompanied baggage, and household goods. I used different colored Post-Its to label items. For example yellow for storage and red for express. When the day came to pack the express items, we moved those items into the living room, so the movers didn't need to look all over the house and risk forgetting an essential item. Make a video showing your household items in case the boat sinks. It’s one of many OCONUS horror stories you’ll hear. I wish I was joking.

Finally, on moving day, watch the movers seal your crates. This is unique to an OCONUS relocation. Don’t sign any paperwork until every crate is sealed shut. Otherwise you may find your DVD collection was stolen before it even left the States.

Lean on Your Sponsor

I can’t emphasize enough to use your sponsor. This person is assigned from his superior to assist your relocation. At a minimum, a sponsor should arrange your arrival transportation from the airport to the military installation (a great one will pick you up) and assist in temporary lodging reservations. Most will set up a PO Box at the military installation, so you can mail any last-minute items to yourself and begin forwarding your mail.

A sponsor is your eyes and ears in this new country. He and his spouse know the specific details for a move to Italy compared with relocation to Korea. But a sponsor isn’t a mind reader. You need to ask questions to get answers.

My husband and I made a list of 50 questions that we emailed our sponsor. This list included everything from “What did you bring that you wish you would have left in the States?” to “What kind of recreation items (camping, hiking, snorkeling, surfing) should we bring?” I asked very detailed questions about the need for lamps, rugs, dehumidifiers, and dressers. My wonderful sponsor and his wife told me there was no reason to bring lamps, fans are in short supply, carpet is unheard of in Okinawa, a dehumidifier is a necessity and most homes have built-in closets.

Alongside with your sponsor, take advantage of the online military spouse network. You are not the first person to move to Germany and you won’t be the last. I guarantee that one question posted on a Facebook group will generate at least 20 responses.

Soak up the Red, White, and Blue

The best advice we got before moving to Japan was stock up on our favorite nonperishable items that aren’t available at the commissary. For me, it was Trader Joe’s pumpkin pancake mix. How do you know if it’s available in Spain? Ask your sponsor.

Buy renter’s insurance before you leave the country and update your mailing address with your financial institution. Check the expiration date on your driver’s license. You need a valid stateside driver’s license in order to take the test for the international driver’s license. Consider memorizing a few key phrases in your host country’s language such as “where is your restroom?” Install Skype on your computer and reassure your family and friends that you are only an email away. We set one clock in my mom’s house on Okinawa time so she always knew the time difference.

Heels on the Ground

Starting with the moment that you first walk through customs and see your host country, you are living a dream so take advantage of every opportunity. Learn the language. Eat the food. Participate in cultural events.

Okinawa wasn't my first choice for overseas. In fact, it was my second to last choice. But when I saw those orders, I mentally told myself to making the best of this situation. I ran into many unhappy families there, who were counting down the days until their departure. Unfortunately their negative focus was a constant distraction from fun.

Consider writing a blog or at a minimum posting photos and first impressions on Facebook or Instagram for your stateside friends. The time will go fast. Enjoy every minute.

This article was published September 20, 2013, at Military One Click.