Why I’m Thankful for My Military Spouse Friends

I am a person with deep family roots. My German ancestors settled my hometown and my maiden name is the most prominent surname there. I never needed to make friends. I was born with friends. They were the grandchildren of my grandparents’ friends.

Flash-forward: My husband and I were newlyweds stationed at Marine Corps Air Station Yuma, Arizona. I needed a local friend desperately. My close friends were hundreds of miles away and none of them were married to a service member. I was lonely until I met my first military spouse. We bonded over our mutual feelings of being misplaced in the scorching desert.

This November, I’m thankful for my military spouse friends. Here are the top five reasons why they have a special place in my heart:

1.  Knowledge.

I don’t need to translate military jargon with them. They understand those frequently used acronyms (PCS, BAH), offices (Tricare), and shopping choices (commissary, exchange). There is no need to explain why we move every two years.  They understand the traditions of a military ball. They just get it.

2. Diversity.

In the nine years that I’ve been a military spouse, I’ve met only one military spouse who was from my home state. One. Everyone else came from different states, communities, countries, cultures, and religions and I am so grateful to learn about the world through my friendship with each of them. I’m especially grateful for the military friends who were once military children. These friends take the time to answer my endless questions about resiliency and maintaining a positive attitude.

3. Understanding.

There is a mutual understanding among military families. This understanding may be lost on your civilian friends. For example, my military friends never make me feel guilty about not traveling during the hectic holiday season. They understand why I spend a month at my parents’ house in the summer. They understand the acceptance of an unknown future. They listen when I want to talk through “what-if” scenarios for various potential orders. They celebrate with us when the orders arrive. They always say goodbye with grace and a heartfelt memento.

4. Adventurous.

My military spouse friends are adventurous and well-traveled. Their passports are filled with stamps and they are always planning the next getaway. When I asked for volunteers to climb Mount Fuji with me, every military spouse eagerly asked “When?” My military spouse friends recognize that their time in a particular location is limited, so they take advantage of each opportunity.

5. Generous. 

Military families are the most generous people in the world. Hands down. You know that idiom about a person “giving you the shirt off one’s back,” I have a theory that person is an American service member. I once made BLT sandwiches for dinner when the only ingredient I had was bacon. Four generous neighbors gave me bread, lettuce, mayonnaise, and a tomato. Military friends will loan you dishes when yours are in transit from Italy. They will watch your child in the middle of the night when you’re in labor and heading to the hospital. They will listen when you need to vent. They will give you a hug when you want to fall apart. They will make you laugh when you want to cry.

My military spouse friends are awesome. I am grateful I have a long list of friends to call, text, email, or send a note on any given day. I never feel lonely, thanks to my vast network of military spouses. They keep our friendship alive even when the military sends us apart.

This article was first published November 28, 2013, at Military One Click. 

No Gobble Gobble: Celebrating a Nontraditional Thanksgiving

“You ate what for Thanksgiving?!?”

“Takoyaki. It’s breaded and fried octopus. Osaka is known for it.”

I thought my mother-in-law was going to faint during this international phone call. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t roast a turkey purchased at my military commissary like every other American living on Okinawa.

The answer was mainly utilitarian. I didn’t roast a turkey because our Japanese home didn’t have an oven, only a three-burner stovetop. I couldn’t bake brownies, let alone a 12-pound turkey.  Sure, we could have purchased a traditional American Thanksgiving meal and ate it while sitting on our tatami mats. We could have watched football in the middle of the night on AFN. We could have whined about the lack of Black Friday shopping options. Instead we decided our first Thanksgiving in Japan would be a four-day vacation to Kyoto and Osaka.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving you are far from your extended family in an unfamiliar place. Here are three ideas to embrace a nontraditional celebration this year.

3 Ideas for a Non-Traditional Thanksgiving Celebration

No Gobble Gobble? No Problem. When we lived overseas certain foods (apples, potatoes, and watermelons) were expensive. In response, we cooked takoyaki over a hot griddle in a Japanese restaurant where the waiter was not amused with my curiosity. Don’t want to eat out? Host a Thanksgiving barbecue. You supply the hamburgers; your friends bring the side dishes and desserts. No cranberry sauce allowed.

Be Flexible. In Tokyo, English is everywhere. In Kyoto, you are lucky to find an English menu. During our Thanksgiving vacation, I once ordered by pointing to an unrecognizable word and saying “please”. How bad could it be, right? It was a cold bean dessert with a gelatin texture. Did I mention I was starving? After a long laugh, I choked down that bean dessert, a poor, but hilarious selection. Make this Thanksgiving, not perfect, but memorable.

Be Thankful. In these nontraditional moments I try to count the blessings in my life, even if they seem like inconveniences. For example, I was thankful to avoid the congestion of American highways during our Kyoto trip. What are you thankful this year? Make that the focus of your nontraditional Thanksgiving.

Celebrating a nontraditional Thanksgiving ensures that someday when I celebrate a traditional one with my extended family in Iowa, I’ll savor my Mom’s turkey and dressing. And I won’t turn down a second helping of pecan pie.

This article was first published November 19, 2013, at Next Generation Military Spouse. 

How to Teach Your Child the Meaning of Veterans Day

Veterans Day isn’t child-friendly. The holiday stems from solemn and emotional roots.

It can be abstract. (What’s a hero?)

It can be philosophical. (Why do people fight wars?)

It can be geographical. (Where’s France?)

There isn’t an abundance of educational resources available for parents of young children to help explain the often overlooked Armistice Day. But if we want the next generation to understand the importance of November 11, beyond a day off of school, we have a duty to teach our preschoolers about Veterans Day.

The meaning of Veterans Day can be taught in 3 simple steps: Talk, Create, and Replicate.

Talk: Explain Veterans Day

Introduce the holiday by showing your young one a November calendar. Point to November 11 and say “Monday is Veterans Day.” Ask your child if he or she understands the word veteran. Has he heard it before? Explain that veterans are people who served in the military (Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, and Coast Guard). Then ask if they know anyone who is a veteran? Tell them that veterans are everywhere. Be ready to rattle off the names of people your child knows who have served in the Armed Forces.  Tell your child that Veterans Day is a day to thank veterans for their service to our country.

Incorporate a patriotic- or Veterans Day-themed book into your nightly reading routine. I recommend “Veterans: Heroes in Our Neighborhood by Valerie Pfundstein, “H Is for Honor: A Military Family Alphabet” by Devin Scillian, and “Proud as a Peacock, Brave as a Lion,” by Jane Barclay. Barclay’s book is one of the few children’s books about war and remembrance.  Consider listening and singing patriotic songs like “American the Beautiful,” “You’re a Grand Old Flag” or “My Country ‘tis of Thee.”

Create: Send Candy and Cards

Through Operation Gratitude’s Operation Candy Give-Back Program, families can donate their Halloween candy to troops serving overseas. You must separate the chocolate from the non-chocolate treats. Ask your child to create a drawing to include in the care package and write “Thank You” on it. Act quickly. The candy must arrive by November 15.

Operation Gratitude is one of several organizations who put letters of gratitude into the hands of veterans and Wounded Warriors. Ask your preschoolers to draw a picture while you write a letter of thanks.  You can also send Veterans Day cards to deployed friends or veterans in your family.

I’m planning to create a “Remember Our Veterans: Family & Friends” flag poster with my 4-year-old daughter. In each star, I will write a name of a veteran (living or deceased). My daughter obviously knows that her father is in the Navy, but she doesn’t know that her maternal grandfather was stationed in Italy with the Army for two years or that her uncle was a Marine during the Gulf War. This flag will be displayed in our house during the entire month of November.

Replicate: Model Gratitude

In my opinion, the best way we can teach our children to be grateful for the sacrifices of American veterans are through our words and actions. Buy a red poppy from the American Legion Auxiliary Poppy Program. Volunteer with local or national organizations that support veterans. Ask elderly family members or neighbors to share PG-rated stories of their military experiences with your child. And always thank a veteran for their service.

This article was first published November 9, 2013, at Military One Click.